I wanna write the disclaimer!

PORTLAND - Under pressure from gay and atheist parents, Portland school officials are considering a policy that would ban the Boy Scouts of America from recruiting students during school hours. Under the proposal, non-school groups would be allowed to send literature home with children, but the flier or pamphlet would need to be accompanied with a disclaimer, warning the groups' values may be offensive: "From time to time, you may receive materials from a group that holds values that may offend some of our families."

I think "From time to time, you may receive materials from a group that holds values that may offend some of our families" is way too mild. I think something far more explicit should be used:

NOTICE:

• The group described in this literature advocates belief in and acknowledgement of God, or at least a deity. Many people are offended by exposure to this belief. To date, efforts to banish this idea from this group have failed. Those who object to or take offense at the belief that God might exist are put on notice that this group may not be to their taste.
• The group described in this literature does not support open and notorious homosexuality. Although gays may (and frequently do) join, they may not make public announcement of their sexual preference and remain members. In other words, we don't ask; you don't tell. Gays who need to announce their homosexuality in an open and public manner are put on notice that this group may not be to their taste.
• The group described in this literature is patriotic. Furthermore, the patriotism advocated and practiced by this group is directed toward the United States of America. This group advocates the practice of saluting the flag and respecting the country and its laws. Those whose patriotism is nonexistent, or is directed toward another country, to the United Nations, to the world as an absract whole, to "humanity", "the environment", or "the universe" may be offended by the parochial views of this organization.
• The group described in this literature is blatantly sexist. It was founded to provide for the needs of children of one sex and is not equipped to provide parallel facilities for children of both sexes. It also does not advocate or support mixed accomodations in camp-outs. Those who believe there are no differences between the sexes, and that males and females are interchangeable with only minor exceptions are warned that this organization is not compatible with their views.
• People who join this group are hereby put on notice that the three classes of people mentioned above, among others, will be in very short supply in this group. Those who fear they will suffer from a lack of exposure to the form of enlightenment dispensed by these classes of people may not want to join this group.