Difficulty of life grading scale

Mike S. Adams has written a column describing how he might adjust a student's grade based on how difficult her life has been over the past semester, and how it might have impacted her performance. She had enough difficulty with life events that it lowered her score by one whole grade.

Then a problem occurred to him:

After I committed to raising this student’s grade, it occurred to me that I should probably contact all of you to see how your semester went. And, in fairness, if any of you experienced any unexpected difficulties, you should have the right to enumerate them and explain exactly how much they hurt your performance in class last semester. Using the university honor system, I will take you at your word and adjust your grades accordingly.

Well, professor Adams, allow me to submit my case. I am nowhere near Wilmington, and the length of the commute required to attend your class and sit for your exams is prohibitive. I figure this alone should be worth at least three grades, raising my score from its current 0.0 to 3.0 – a solid "B".

In addition, I was never registered in your class. Because of this situation, totally beyond my control, I was never able to actually attend your class. By my calculations, that accounts for an additional 1.0 of life-related grade impact (LRGI). An adjustment for the combined impact should therefore raise my grade to 4.0, a solid "A".

Finally, due to life circumstances utterly beyond my control (including living in Los Angeles, an inconvenient commuting distance from Wilmington, and no longer being of "college age") I was never enrolled at UNC-Wilmington. Because notions of "diversity" have not yet been extended to cover enrollment status, I was unfairly barred from enrolling in your class in the first place! The LRGI of this fact is quite large, and should by all rights overwhelm the previous adjustments. In the sense of fair play, however, I will settle for sufficient adjustment to add a few "plusses" to my "A" grade in your class. I will appreciate a copy of my transcript, updated to reflect this adjustment.

Of course, all these LRGI factors in my case apply not just to your class this past semester, not just to all of your classes, but to all classes taught at UNC-Wilmington. I appreciate your intention to adjust grades retroactively over the past 23 semesters, but I think a reasonable number of semesters would be eight – corresponding to the four-year statute of limitations for a written contract in most states.

Of course, you can see the implication here. Obviously, I hold an adjusted grade of "A+" in every course that has been taught at UNC-Wilmington for the past four years. I therefore hold enough credits, and have passed sufficient classes to have earned a fair number of Bachelor's degrees in just about every subject taucht at UNC-Wilmington.

I will appreciate receiving my diplomas and degree certificates at my mailing address as soon as the paperwork can be completed.